Wednesday, October 20, 2010

happy

So figuring out my g1 has special features i never knew about is awesome :) woo hoo! I <3 this phone.....i wish i could keep it forever
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Sunday, October 17, 2010

memories

So watching this movie UP! w/ my bf was soo much fun &&& cute because i got to see alot of cute things the old man does for the <3 of elle, kevin &&& the little asian kid.
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Friday, October 15, 2010

family

Sometimes family gets on your nerves &&& can get you to pull your hair out. But sometimes friends become more than family, because they support you through thick &&& thin. Even though family will love you unconditionally, they will turn there back on you. Also friends understand that what you are doing sometimes is a mistake but they will guide you if possible to change your mind because they care. But if you do decide to keep going on w/ your decision, then they'll be behind you even though they dnt agree.

But.....you have to love them (family/friends) through anything. You have to be patient &&& understanding, not self-interested, caring &&& respectful too. To me my family is everything &&& especially now that my family is being teared apart by measures that I don't understand &&& or wish for anyone to go through.

Yet @ the end of the day problems are erased @ least through my mind &&& what ever happened, happened. Yes, it might have hurt but life goes on. I became a better person living through that mistake &&& well i thank whoever was there for being there &&& getting me to learn even if it was the wrong way or a way that i just didnt want to do it, but it got me out of my box &&& made me a tougher person to deal w/ things that life swings @ me.

Also i enjoy bringing my friends &&& family closer to me &&& making them feel welcomed into my house because that is how i am. &&& w/ my bf now, hes welcomed anywhere i go because i need him to feel like a part of the family because he will be w/ me for the rest of each others life :D
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Thursday, October 14, 2010

a muh zing moments in life

God never seizes to amaze even the strongest of his believers. I personally believe in God, trust in God &&& know that God is good all the time.

But today was an extraordinary day....why? Because a really good friend of mine had that feeling that something wasn't right w/ me &&& well she called me &&& knew immediately that something wasn't right. So she came to my rescue. Even though I didn't ask for her help, she knew inside me I was yelling for help.

So she came over &&& tried talking to me....really while she was talking i was a whole nother person &&& i could hear her but i wasnt listening. We left my house to speak somewhere less comfortable &&& while @ jamba juice, she was telling me some things i wanted to say "yes your right!"....but something wasnt letting me. I was trapped in my own body &&& that feeling is something i dnt ever want to feel again. I had a blank look on my face &&& i knew i wanted to tell her "yes please help me" but i couldnt. &&& then it hit me it was one sentence that made me change how i was acting. "Let him understand it'll be done, if he doesnt respect your decision" wow i then shook my head &&& cried, i reached over to my friend cried &&& felt loose. Wow it was a really good feeling ! Because my body had just felt like it was in a trance &&& that feeling is no one i ever wish to have.

Thankfully my friend kept talking to me about God &&& reading verses to me out of the bible &&& i think all that helped cut the chains of my life free. I do trust in God, i think i just need to show that more often to him in actions.

Getting home i didnt know how i was going to tell my bf about what i needes to do. So i called him right up &&& decided to tell him what i think we really should do &&& told me "yeah, i think the same thing &&& there is no worry or rush".

Wow was that a relief! I had just had anxiety attacks the whole afternoon &&& that was because i felt i was getting pushed into something i did want but not @ that vey moment. So now me &&& my bf are on the same page &&& are deciding our future @ this precise moment.

I l o v e God &&& thank him for everyday of learning different ways; of doing things, thinking &&& acting.

So now that God has made my day wonderful &&& i feel like a new person, i sure hope my mom is wholeheartartely genuine w/ eric that way we can keep on moving our life forward &&& enjoy it down the road
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Wednesday, October 13, 2010

troubles

Living life through ups &&& downs makes you not want to keep pushing, but if you push &&& perservere; youll get double the blessings &&& peace of mind once you get through your troubles.

Its like when you have something bad to say or you did an error/mistake, you get this weird stomach feeling that you know its your gut telling you its wrong dont do it but your wonderful brain &&& soul tell you do it. Your body goes all ka wa bunga on you &&& @ the end your mind decides &&& you do what you feel is best.

@ the end of the day your gut &&& mind are right. Even if you do get in sticky situations or get in trouble life goes on &&& these are your mistakes that you have to live w/ &&& continue your life on.
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leaving

Leaving your life behind for someone is major right? But you do it because you L O V E someone &&& decide your spending your whole life w/ them &&& dont need any of the outside world, all you need is them..... For me its not leaving all my world behind, its knowing that little by little the ppl that i take seriously will come back to my life if im really that important to them. &&& yeah maybe this isnt the right path to take because if it doesnt work out w/ my <3ed one than who will i turn to. But if its real friends your talking about they will never turn your back on you.
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Monday, October 11, 2010

names

So growing up you get called names but none do you really wear proudly...or do you?

I understand that yes, sometimes i might be a geek, nerd, goodie two shoes, gullible, brat, indian giving, bitch, liar, flirt &&& airhead.

But the one i understand &&& say i am myself is: being gullible. Why? You may ask? You look like a nice smart person....Yes! But just because i am smart doesnt mean i give people the benefit of the doubt &&& let them show themselves right to me. In that case i will believe their lies &&& not see when people lie to me because i care alot to see when or when not a person is lying to me. Karma eventually will get them back but for now, let me believe you @ the end of the day, whatever happens to me, will end up happening to you twice as worse. &&& also i will forgive you &&& believe all your reasons on why you lied to me but never will i forget because the mind is a powerful thing. Thats why i wait to see peoples real colors. To know if they lie,cheat &&& steal from my life body &&& soul.
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Sunday, October 10, 2010

daffodills

Learning from your mistakes makes you a better individual to live w/ in this world. why are ppl so afraid to let others fall into the same hole they've fallen into? they fall &&& had some1 try to pull them back up &&& look @ their life now. they are wonderful human beings; who understand the meaning of "you l i v e &&& you l e a r n". yeah it must hurt to see a <3ed one on the floor being so defenseless but that is the only way you learn. from your mistakes &&& getting back up &&& shaking yourself off :D
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Monday, October 4, 2010

what makes you stay???

What does make me stay w| my l o v e??? Is it that I've invested soooo much of myself in this realtionship even thought its only been about 4 mths? Is it that I've found a guy that actually wants to be w| me his whole rest of his life. The one he wants to see walk down the aisle only to know that he will be putting a ring on my finger, the one he wants to care for when we both find out that I will be carrying our child, the one he wants to grow old w| &&& know that I will be there for him.Shouldnt I be his everyday happiness the one he knows will be there @ the end of the day waiting for him w| a BIG smile &&& warm arms for him to sleep on??? Shouldn't he know that my patience becomes the best when I'm w| him, &&& my behavior has been tweaked to keep him in my life because he is the l o v e of my life? He is the one who once I've woken up, wish he was next to me. So I could feel his warmth on my skin, to know that he is w| me &&& w| no one else...the one I wish that he could kiss my hand &&& make me feel chills that go all through my spine, feet &&& ends of my hair. I wish I could feel him looking @ me. Because right now it feels like a dream how it falls apart but love <3 keeps us together